...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
