Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
