Swine flu. Run for my life!
Hippo gnu deer
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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