On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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