alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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