Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
