im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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