and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize