i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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