Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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