Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
