he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
