i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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