so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
