is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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