Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
