the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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