tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
