I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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