I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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