Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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