whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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