Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
