I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
