wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
