I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We need to get me chipped asap
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
