She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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