I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
