Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
whose ass print is on the piano?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
