first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ketchup is God's man juice
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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