What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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