my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
