so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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