So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
