I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Are we still banned from the library?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
