Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He did a backflip because drugs
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
