What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
