Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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