OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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