Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
