pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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