I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
