Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Welp...herpes.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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