just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
