Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
