you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
