I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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