Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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