lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
