four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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