Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
