I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
