Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
