Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I could fuck to npr.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
