Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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