I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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