Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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