Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize