So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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