Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
