Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
