My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
