just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize