This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
