you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize