Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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