Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
