i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
