i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
