69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
