I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
