Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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