I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
