I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You can't just leave with hair like that
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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